The Debt March: A Dialogue in Absurdity

Setting: Anywhere in America where Fact Robots are prevalent.

Lefty: These terrorists are out to destroy America.

Fact Robot: It's true radical Islam poses a threat to society.

Lefty: What? No, you Islamophobe. I'm talking about Republicans and the tea party.

Fact Robot: I do not understand.

Lefty: These teabaggers are holding America hostage, refusing to raise the debt ceiling.

Fact Robot: America is running $1.5 trillion dollar deficits. Why would they want to borrow more money?

Lefty: If they don't, we can't pay our obligations. There could be a financial meltdown.

Fact Robot: Isn't $15 trillion dollars in debt already a financial meltdown?

Lefty: No, you don't get it. This is domestic terrorism. The markets will crash. Investors will lose confidence. The rest of the world will see America as a banana republic.

Fact Robot: You are saying America has to go further in debt in order to show that they are fiscally responsible?

Lefty: Exactly.

Fact Robot: Let me ask the question differently. You are saying America has to approve borrowing trillions of dollars more that the government can't afford to pay back to prove that the nation is serious about getting out of debt?

Lefty: Yes.

Fact Robot: That is illogical. Didn't you also say America had to pass the stimulus to keep unemployment below eight percent?

Lefty: The stimulus was a huge success.

Fact Robot: Current unemployment is 9.2% and has reached  as high as 10%. That does not meet your own criteria for success. Do you think it would be fiscally responsible for America to pass a budget?

Lefty: Of course.

Fact Robot: But America has not passed a budget in two years and the president's budget was rejected by the Senate 97-0.

Lefty: That's because the teabagger Republicans won't agree to tax increases.

Fact Robot: I don't see what tea bags have to do with it. Last year, Democrats refused to vote for these same tax increases, which would have kicked in automatically if they had not extended the Bush tax rates.

Lefty: The Bush tax cuts only favored the rich. Republicans are the party of millionaires.

Fact Robot: Then why did Democrats and the president pass legislation to keep them from expiring?

Lefty: To help the poor.

Fact Robot: Have you ever listened to your own arguments?

Lefty: The debt wasn't as large then. Now we have to raise taxes to shore up America's finances.

Fact Robot: If the president didn't pass the stimulus, the national debt would be reduced by one trillion dollars. This is the same amount of revenue Democrats are trying to raise with proposed tax increases on millionaires who make $250,000. One might conclude from this data that the president doesn't understand basic math and the stimulus hurt the American economy.

Lefty: No. The stimulus wasn't big enough. The poor are suffering while the rich get richer and all Republicans care about is fat-cat corporations. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to attend a $35,000 a plate fundraising dinner for President Obama, paid for using stimulus dollars he kindly granted my company.