"Once abolish God and the government becomes the God." -G.K. Chesterton

Wednesday, September 9, 2009

Obama Avoids Controversy in Speech to Kids, Comes Up Short in Bid for Student Council

Barack Obama gave a well-received speech to students at Grover Cleveland Middle School on Tuesday, but it wasn't enough to beat out Brooke Taylor and William Tyler for student council president. The speech, which was televised to the student body over the internet, started out strong, but ended up trite and cliched, filled with tedious advice most students have heard a thousand times from their teachers, counselors, and principals.

"I used to think the president was cool," said Katy Wilson, a seventh grade volleyball player. "But to hear him say the same things my dad always says, or Mr. Kribble, the earth science teacher, it was lame."

Eighth grader Jonathan Berg also felt the speech missed it's mark. "I'm third chair debate. I have a blog. I volunteer. It's like he thought he was talking to a bunch of fifth graders. I really wish he would have gotten into the details of his health care bill, but I guess some people were afraid of an actual discourse on the issues facing America."

A final tally of ballots showed Obama coming in third with 56 votes, which some students agreed wasn't bad for someone new to the school. Meanwhile, Brooke Taylor presented a short cheer for her speech, using the letters of her name to spell out ideas for improving the cafeteria. More importantly, she bought Jamba Juice for everyone. All-district hurdler William Tyler performed a clever rap, which was considered to be the best of the three speeches.

It was Obama's first election loss since 2002, and he was unavailable for comment. It won't affect his current job as President of the United States, however, which he will be allowed to keep for now. The 48 year old president attempted to mix humor and personal anecdotes in an effort to keep the message fresh, but most students were texting under their desks a few minutes after he started talking. The full text of his remarks can be seen here.

A quick look at teen and tween tweets during the hour of the speech revealed everything from uninspired boredom to ridicule. Some examples included:
"I'm so sure he has an xbox. yeah, right, he's so cool he wears mom jeans."

"Wish my parents were uptight enuf to hold me out of school today. Could be watchn the CW right now."

"Can't think of a worse way to spnd 3rd period. Except maybe smelling Jimmy Huang's body odor."

"Y is he talking about "personal responsibility" when he blames EVERYTHING on Bush?"

A runoff between Taylor and Tyler is scheduled for Thursday, but the campaigns have been warned not to bribe voters with free goodies this time. That's also a lesson President Obama could learn, at least according to Principal McDougal. "Is it just me or has he been promising everyone free health care for the past eight months?"

1 comment:

  1. That is the funniest thing I ever read.