Given all the cable specials, you probably heard that this week marks the 40th anniversary of Neil Armstrong's lunar landing. Yep, it's been forty years since we first walked on the moon. And while we elected our first African-American president earlier this year, overlooking his complete inexperience and Marxist tendencies in order to make history, while we have made great strides to move beyond our often racially-charged past, the only moonwalking done by an African-American thus far has been done on this planet by a crotch-grabbing pop star.
I am outraged. Outraged! In all the moon missions, forty years worth according to my lunar calendar, not once did we send an African-American. What does that say to the black community? That they can't go to the moon? That they have to pretend to go to the moon by shuffling their feet down here? Apparently. Because it's 2009, and still no African-American has taken a step there. Who would have thought that aside from some Baptist churches in Vidor, Texas, the moon would be one of our last establishments that was "whites only"?
Thirty-eight astronauts took part in the Apollo missions. Twelve of them walked on the moon and another 24 orbited it. And they were all as white as wonder bread. Where is the city of New Haven when you need them? How could we let these men be promoted from the Air Force and Navy into outer space when it was clear they did not reflect the diversity of America? What kind of racist test must have been used to favor these all-white crews and participants? What if they ran into martians? Who would bring the empathy?
Paging Sonia Sotomayor. What to make of this, Judge? Isn't it self-evident that a wise latino astronaut, given their background, would make better decisions outside of earth's orbit than a white astronaut? Heck, what about a wise latina? Our space program screams gender bias!
We are so fortunate to have such diversity on earth. And by diversity, I merely mean skin color. Because that's what progressives mean. After all, you don't hear African-Americans complaining that there aren't enough black Republicans or black libertarians or black supporters of Ron Paul. Not when over 90% are voting for Democrats, though technically such a one-sided voting bloc is the opposite of diverse.
Shouldn't we carry as much color as possible into space? Dammit, even the crew of the USS Enterprise included a black woman, a gay man of Asian descent, and something called a Vulcan. So step up to the plate, President Obama. It's time to make history. Again. Since everything you do is historic. Let's put an African-American on the moon.
I won't even complain if you volunteer to go yourself.