(BASED ON HIS APPEARANCE LAST NIGHT)
10. Held president's hand while asking tough questions, like "How do racists make you feel?"
9. Flossed gap between front teeth right before interview.
8. Avoided subject of president's bowling skills for fear of special olympics faux pas.
7. Switched places with Paul so he could laugh at the president's jokes, nod his head, and exclaim, "Yeah, Barack. Yeah."
6. Allowed president to bring his own teleprompter.
5. Top ten list of the night presented top ten ways to report unpatriotic dissent to White House.
4. Gave the president his pick of Palin pregnant teenage daughter jokes for opening monologue.
3. Never mentioned ACORN, Van Jones, or Inspector General scandals one time.
2. Kept the president on for other guests' segments, with "my apologies to the Jonas Brothers."
1. Pretended he was Oprah.